Foodless Friday: The Real Scoop On Baby Poop

*WARNING* This post involves poop. If you are easily grossed out, refrain from reading. At least I can say I warned you.

So the other day I was watching Life As We Know It on my laptop. For those who have not seen it, the movie is a romantic comedy, starring Josh Duhamel (mmmm) and Katherine Heigl. The summary of the story- Josh Duhamel is a philandering hottie, (like he is in real life) Katherine Heigl is a career-driven beauty, (like she is in every other movie) they meet through mutual friends and they hate each other. Their mutual friends choose them to be the godparents of their baby Sophie, and when they die in a car crash; Josh and Katherine get custody baby Sophie. And that is how their life takes an unexpected turn. (Tres originale!) So two people who hate each other have to get together and look after this baby, and somewhere along the way they fall in love and big buttery balls of sunshine and happiness pour forth. (Awww.)

The movie was fun, yes, but I just felt that babies as a segment of our population were misrepresented. As they are in most Hollywood movies. I know the only reason I feel so strongly is because I have my own 8-month-old now. But I thought it was my duty to bust some of those Hollywood baby myths.

photo courtesy | entertainmentwallpaper.com

  • All babies cry all the time.

No. Sick babies cry, hungry babies cry, colicky babies cry, babies who have soiled their diapers cry; and they may cry at length but no baby cries ALL THE TIME. Maybe I am just crazy-lucky to have a cheerful baby, but I do believe that babies who are well fed, given love and attention, snuggled and kept warm will be happy.

  • Babies poop all the time.

Again, babies poop, but it is not an endless poop fest. They have such tiny stomachs that it is not humanly possible to poop all the time.

  • Changing a poopy diaper takes 1 hour, 1 whole pack of baby wipes and 1 bucket of tears.

In every movie from 3 Men And A Baby to Life As We Know It, poopy-diaper-changing is blown out of proportion. Changing a dirty diaper is not as bad as it seems. For those of you who are expecting a baby, or want to have a baby in the future, please do not let this scare you. First things first. Poop smells unpleasant. We all know that. Everyday, we are in the presence of our own poop, each time we go to the crapper. Baby poop is as bad or as bearable as adult poop. However gross it may seem, when it is your own baby, you will have the strength to look the poop in the face and change that diaper. It is some kind of maternal/paternal instinct…it will take over, and you will not gag or throw up on your baby. And you certainly won’t need to dress up like this!

It's Not That Bad! (photo courtesy | softpedia.com)

Secondly… you will never need a whole pack or roll of baby wipes. Seriously…why would you mop up poop with baby wipes? Baby-soap and water, people, followed by a clean towel-dry. (In situations where you are in a home-style environment.) That is all it takes. Let me tell you that this will be much better for your baby’s skin than all the saline wipes in the world. And you will find the inner strength to wash your baby’s bum. I firmly believe that those babies in the movies are crying because they are being cleaned with baby wipes. Think about it…would you like someone to take a wet-wipe and furiously attack your hiney every time you took a shit? No. So why would your baby like that?

In case you are very sensitive and will never be able to handle baby poop, I hope you have the resources to find an alternate solution.

*DISCLAIMER* This is just a personal view from a practical new mom who has a nice-smelling, happy, nappy-rash free baby. Please consult your doctor before anything.

My next post will not involve poop, I promise.

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One thought on “Foodless Friday: The Real Scoop On Baby Poop

  1. Loved the ‘you will not gag or throw up on your baby’…..that is what i am mortally afraid of. If however I feel queasy when i eventually a baby’s bottom to clean, I will call on you, the poop-scoppin’ pro!

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